Technology Hasn’t Ruined Modern Dating - We Have
Finding love and romance in the app age
Online dating has revolutionized what it means to be single in the 21st century , but it shouldn’t be blamed for the current dating ‘apocalypse.’
It’s true that dating apps can take some of the romance and spontaneity away from the search for love, and can involve such a dizzying amount of swiping that we forget these are real people on the other side of the screen.
Yet with any new technology that’s thrown out to the masses, its implications for good or evil depend on how we use it.
So are dating apps really the problem when it comes to modern dating? Or are we the problem?
1. We Want Options
We’re never satisfied, we don’t spend enough time on any one person to even give it a chance to become anything. We keep swiping and matching, thinking of all the people we could still meet.
We can’t help but think the grass is greener on the other side, even when we’ve met someone who’s actually kinda great.
If someone is treating you like you’re replaceable, move on.
2. We Have No Patience
We want to snap our fingers and instantly get what we want, and we think technology is the answer to all our prayers.
The way we used to date made dating exciting and fulfilling because it was like a mini event and something to look forward to. Today, a ‘date’ is a quick coffee or drink, or a ‘hang out’ at their apartment, often scheduled back-to-back like a business meeting - and that’s become the norm.
There’s no room for old school romance, the build-up, flirting or foreplay because we’ve forced it out.
Look for someone who takes their time and actually puts some effort in during those first encounters; and take your time too – love is not a race.
Take a step back from the stimulus overload and try a dating site that’s less swipe heavy and instead places an emphasis on creating better matches.
Zoosk’s Behavioral Matchmaking gets to know your habits - likes and dislikes - and offers matches accordingly. It’s designed to gauge your own personality, and what you’re looking for, and then match you with someone you’d mesh well with, making the whole experience a lot more thoughtful.
3. We're Not Upfront About What We Want
We don’t say what we want from the get-go out of fear of scaring the other person away, and so we either put up with a lot of things we usually wouldn’t, or get fed up that we’re attracting the wrong people.
Save yourself the time and heartache by being upfront about what you’re looking for from the beginning – the right person will admire your authenticity and bravery.
Try heading to a dating site filled with singles looking for the same thing as you.
Elite Singles is aimed at career-driven daters who are too busy to spend hours swiping through profiles. The site employs personality pairing to match singles - based on a questionnaire that’s completed upon signup.
It helps you cut through the crowd and head straight to the people you're most compatible with.
4. We Hide Behind Our Phones
We send endless instant messages but are too scared to pick up the phone and have a real conversation. Hearing someone’s voice allows you to feel someone’s energy, and is much more personal than a text.
If someone doesn’t call you within a week of chatting and can’t pluck up the courage to ask you out over the phone, they don’t deserve to go on a date with you.
5. We're Scared
When we finally do find someone special, we hesitate to express our true feelings and wait for the other person to go first. We play games, we’re not clear, and we end up sabotaging ourselves simply because we were too scared to lay our heart on the line.
You’re entitled to ask someone where you stand and to be honest about how you feel and what you want. If they can’t do the same, then you need to leave them alone to grow up.
6. We Forget that Dating is Damn Hard Work
Love IRL is just as hard to find, so don’t go pointing the finger at dating apps – nobody said technology would provide a magic solution to falling in love. Because of the sheer volume of singletons at our fingertips, we wrongly believe it should be easy to find someone, but the reality is it’s not.
There will be people you have zero chemistry with, people who are total jerks, and maybe even some people with questionable hygiene habits - that’s just part of the dating game – the sooner you learn to accept it the less you’ll feel like you’re being punished for a crime committed in a previous life.
Like all things in life, you get back what you put in.
Remember – online dating only has to work once! Hang in there.
One last piece of advice when seeking out a more meaningful connections: Head to a site like Zoosk, whose smart matching and ease of use just might be the key to making online dating work for you.